Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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