does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
