Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
