Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
