Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
