dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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