anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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