Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
