yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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