there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
