I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
