I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
