She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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