I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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