wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
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