marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We're too hungover to prance.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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