I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
