I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
