I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
