1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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