If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
