Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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