u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
