I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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