i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
