Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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