Sober January is a disaster.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
