it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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