Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
