I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
either way he was missing a nipple.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
