mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
