i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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