Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
