please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
