kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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