friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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