Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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