u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
