I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
