Well apparently he's into motor boating.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
