I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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