If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
