So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
