Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
