is your mom at the bar?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
