So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
