Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
