Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
