I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
