careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We just shotgunned beers for America
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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