Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
