i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
