You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
